Very Big Thing - The Cheese Edition.

a Very Big Thing is happening. I haven't tweeted about it because there has been too much to say. I haven't blogged about it because the vastness of my feelings about this subject were surely going to be misconstrued.

We had Squeaky D allergy tested. I was terrified, for many reasons. It was all very complicated.

But when the RAST test happened without a single tear shed, without a single food reaction. A heavy veil was lifted. Because we only tested six items, the allergist asked if we wanted to do a blood test. He was concerned about my reports of gastric pain in Baby D, about his belly rashes and eczema. Signs of sensitivity to something, he said.

The slippery slope of cute.

And then I was terrified about drawing a toddler's blood. People do this all the time! I told myself, unable to convince myself. Thankfully good friends advised me to go to the Stollery Children's Hospital and ask for a pediatric collector. They told me exactly how to hold him, and in the end it went much better than anticipated (besides the nurse telling me afterwards not to breastfeed him when he was crying in case he chokes. MEGALOL.), and he got a sticker at the end, which made him very proud. Who knew he gets stickers now? Not me.

The results came back perfectly clear! The only test that wasn't done was the test for Celiac Disease, as neither of us consume gluten and you have to have the protein in your system for 6 weeks prior to the blood test.

So? WE HAVE BEEN EATING CHEESE AGAIN, YOU GUYS.

CHEESE! And firetrucks and horses, I guess.

I've been dying to say something. Brie! Havarti! Swiss! Feta! Edam! All my favourite cheeses! I ate a creamy dip. I had scrambled eggs! There has been mayonnaise, a latte, ice cream, and OMG REAL GREEK YOGURT. Cookies baked with egg and butter.

I will say this. I'm skeptical. Very skeptical. Squeaky D so far hates egg and dairy. Refuses to eat much of anything, including melted cheese (Theories abound that he may not be mine, but I watched him come out of me and he didn't really leave my sight after that, so...). His eczema on the backs of his hands has become worse. At first, he did have little bumps across his belly though it seems to have become a mix of eczema and dry skin, now. The medical community tells me that this is simply NOT related to his diet, it could be anything they say.


So here I sit, a baby who is suffering, doctors who have no answers, and a mountain of milk chocolate at my disposal. Milk chocolate, you guys.


A Very Big Thing, indeed.

Don't tell me what to wear. Tell men not to rape.

Slutwalk is spectacular. 

The concept, the message, the conversations, everything. 

These days I am finding that there are too many people in the media who do not understand what slutwalk is about. It is not about dressing like a slut and marching around downtown. It is not about a subculture of women who want to flaunt promiscuity. It is not even fully about "owning the word."

It is about putting an end to victim blaming, it is about women standing up, standing together and saying "I am not asking for it, I am never asking for it and nothing I could EVER wear could mean that I forfeit consent. I am a HUMAN BEING."

I want to see women, mothers, daughters. I want to see fathers, partners, young boys. I want us all to stand together and send the message that our culture has been allowing the perpetuation of rape, sexual assault, sexual harassment - all of it - for too long by allowing words like "slut" to have any sort of power or sway. By allowing newspapers to comment on a woman's "revealing" outfit when reporting the story of her violation. Or by questioning the victim's choice to spend time in certain locations -jogging at night- or by choosing to have a few drinks.

The message needs to be clear. Rape is not okay. Rape is never okay. 

We walk together to say: 
All of us are sluts or none of us are, it doesn't matter. Nobody is ever asking to be raped. 

Photo Credit: We Heart It

Slutwalk in Edmonton is June 4th. http://www.yegslutwalk.com/ 

Will I see you there?

More from Farren Square on Feminism and Parenting

A Letter to Des: My Most Favourite Person

To Desmond, my most favourite person,

You are five months old today. All day I thought of writing you a letter to celebrate how incredible you are and all day I just marveled at you instead.

Sitting On Your Own

I can't believe it has been five months since I held you in my arms for the first time. It's hard for me to wrap my mind around how small you really are because to me you are everything, you are my world. And you seem so big, you seem like you have grown so much already. It is difficult for me to imagine all the places you'll go, all the thoughts you'll have - they are mysteries to me, a great secret to be discovered.

I don't want to miss a second of it. 

These days you are sitting on the floor - wobbly but independent. You think your feet are hilarious, and you giggle hysterically when I kiss them or blow raspberries on the soles. You clutch them and bring them to your mouth, but if I congratulate you your focus is lost and the feet disappear. This, however, doesn't slow you down. You are so big now that you've outgrown the baby tub and Papa juggles you, all slippery, in the big kid bathtub while you desperately try to put everything in your mouth. Two months ago you were just noticing your hands, exploring them for the first time. Now you masterfully grab and handle anything placed within your reach and cover it with your slippery mouth.

Jumping in all Your New Easter Gear

Your grandma and grandpa got you a Jolly Jumper for Easter and it is so strange to see you upright, standing there like the little person that you are. I love to watch you jump industriously, so much work to be done! You always look back at me and smile, checking to make sure I think this is as hilarious as you do. I do.

It's true that you don't like to let us get much sleep at night. Even though it gets hard and sometimes I feel completely spent, the cuddling, the kisses, the chubby little smiles make it all worthwhile. The other day you said Mamama and Papapa and we celebrated like you actually knew our names. Like you actually knew who we were and that we love you more than anything.


We do, you just don't know it yet. We do. And someday soon you will know it with all your heart.


A millionty kisses,
Mommy

The Bad Mommy versus The Perfect Mommy

When I announced my pregnancy to my large group of -mostly childless- friends, several people told me that I would make a good mom.

That sentence scared me like nothing else in pregnancy ever had. What does it even mean, to be a good mother? How does one qualify what a good mother looks like, sounds like? And if some mothers are good mothers, that means there are bad mothers - and what if I was secretly one of them? What if I was selfish sometimes and wanted to go to the bathroom without my kid in there with me, what if I wanted to leave my baby with his daddy and escape to the coffee shop sometimes, does that make me a bad mommy?

Is this what a bad Mommy looks like?

What if I put my sleeping baby down in a swing, does that make me a bad mommy? What if cloth diapers just don't work for us overnight - now am I a bad mommy?

It's all just too much to think about, defining who is and who isn't a bad mommy. I can only focus on what I choose to do because it feels right to me.

It feels right to put my sleeping baby in a swing, where he will be rocked and loved while I breathe and sip the cold coffee I made for myself hours earlier. It feels right to put him in a disposable diaper so that neither of us are waking every hour for a diaper change. It feels right to take time to re-charge every so often, to remind myself that I am just "I" - not always a "We."

It feels right to breastfeed my baby, but if that didn't work for us the way it has so far, it would feel right to make sure my baby was fed and happy - no matter what I had to do to accomplish that task.

In 2008 I had the chance to be a part of a community where nobody is judged for any choice that they happen to make, as long as it is respectful to others. I felt absolutely freed from the world's negativity. I vowed that I would return to my life and work harder than ever before to make sure nobody I ever encountered felt judged for any choice they make (as long as it was respectful towards others). I've slipped up more than once, but I still continue forward with this mission, especially now that becoming a mommy has opened up a gorgeously diverse group of women for me.

But as I get to know these mothers, as I move forward as a mother myself... I'm realising that I never stopped judging myself. I never stopped and allowed myself to simply make the best choices that I can. I haven't let myself believe that it's okay not to be an absolutely perfect mother.

Or that maybe I get to be the one who decides what perfect means for my family. I think it is time to move forward, to let go. I think it's time for freedom.

A Letter to Des: I am Blown Away by your Everything.

 Desmond,

I can't believe how much you've grown in the last three and a half months. When you arrived on the scene I was blown away by your everything. The tiniest muscle twitch from you became my moment's obsession; I never wanted to look away.

Rolling Over

I am thrilled to be a witness of these monumental and tiny feats. I am honoured to watch your growing awareness of your body as you discover your power and potential. Three weeks ago you looked at your hands for the first time. You pulled them out of your mouth and stared at them with focused intensity. Slowly you unclasped your fingers, reclasped them gently and placed them back into your mouth with a self-satisfied giggle. What a tiny moment, I thought, and yet - everyone in the world has one moment in their lives where they noticed their hands for the first time. Every human had to struggle through the lack of dexterity of babydom, these tiny firsts are a worldwide phenomenon. You remind me that all of humanity is vulnerable and amazing.

Three days ago you completely rolled over the first time. Then three more times. You scare me with your mobility, it is happening faster than I ever imagined. I'm both excited and petrified to watch you grow into a little independent human, moving your own way and making your own choices. Recently you found your tongue inside your mouth and you baaabble on and on to me, especially in the mornings. I nod at you over my first cup of coffee and we chat about our dreams at night. If I had to say, I'd guess you have pretty funny dreams the way you laugh and giggle, your voice echoing through the kitchen. And you are such a sturdy little housebeast now, you hold your own head and look where you want to look - you kick and squirm with power and strength. I am amazed at how quickly it starts.

We speak a common language, you and I, without sharing any words. It's like I was born when you were born, this new version of myself so open to learning all about you. We've grown together these last sixteen weeks and we mostly understand each other - finally. I'm enjoying listening to you explain who you are as you figure it out for yourself. I can't wait to show you the world.

xox
Mommy

TED Tuesday: Courtney Martin's "Reinventing Feminism"

Sometimes I am completely flabbergasted by how often I have to defend my use of the word Feminism or the fact that I label myself a Feminist.

I truly believe that to champion for women's rights is to champion for human rights. While the discrepancy is magnified in other areas of the world, there are still major issues that need to be addressed right here in our home. Domestic violence, rape, and controlling a woman's right to choose - all of these are worldwide issues that also definitely plague us here in North America. Did you know that over half of all Canadian women have experienced domestic violence? Look around at the women in your life. Are you aware that one to two women are murdered by a current or former partner each week in Canada? Chances are there is a woman in your life who is experiencing violence at the hand of her partner every day.

In honour of the 100th anniversary of International Women's Day I am posting this magnificent TED talk by Feministing Editor and author of the book "Do It Anyway: The New Generation of Activists" Courtney Martin. She discusses the modern era of feminism - How it isn't about birkenstocks and man-hating (I don't believe it ever was....) and reinventing the word so more people understand that it is about lifting women up, reinforcing their human rights, and helping them have a positive impact on the world around them.

My favourite part of this TED video? When Ms Martin announces the activist who had the largest impact on her own worldview: Her mother. It inspires me as a mother to keep campaigning for what I believe in, that I can have a positive impact on the world in which my children will live and grow.

Courtney Martin: Reinventing feminism

I've said it before and I'll say it again. As women, we are beautiful flowers - we can also be sparks of change. Have a lovely International Women's Day.

For more facts or information on violence and Canadian women, or to help with the cause, please visit the Canadian Women Foundation

More TED videos on the topic of women's rights & feminism.

xox
Farren

TED Tuesday - Why to believe in others with Viktor Frankl

I'm going to preface this by saying that I have been, at many times in my life, a pedestrian, a cyclist, and a motorist.

I know what it is like to be cycling on a busy road, to feel intimidated by other vehicles around you. And I know what it is like to be hit by a truck while cycling! I'll just say, none of it is fun. I go out of my way to be non-aggressive when I am passing a cyclist, to leave the appropriate amount of space (half a lane), and to stay calm behind a biker even when I have somewhere I really need to be right. now. But it really really really irks me when cyclists don't take the time to follow the rules of the road themselves. Most of those rules are there to protect themselves! And many of them are there to uphold a standard which helps motorists know to respect cyclists as a vehicle.

What is this all about, you might be asking, why is Farren ranting about cyclists today? Did a cyclist kill her entire family?!

No, no... This post is actually about Expectations. It is popular these days, and especially in my circle of friends, to expect very little from those around us. We are all people with our own predisposed ideas and we will all make our own decisions, and they may seem random at times, so don't expect anything from anyone, and the world is your oyster, correct? While I do agree in some cases and situations, I also wholeheartedly disagree. I do have certain expectations. I expect you not to spit in my food, I expect you to be honest when speaking, and I expect you to respect all living things. These are common expectations, no?

So the other day, I am driving down a long and winding road and there is a cyclist in front of me. Since I am about to turn right onto a one-way street, I decide to slow and wait for the cyclist instead of passing and immediately turning in front of them. To my surprise we turn the corner together, and he immediately darts to the left directly in front of my car - out of his designated bike lane - and takes the first left without signaling to me at any point! I had to slam on my brakes to avoid him. My first instinct? My window was already down, so I called after him - "PLEASE SIGNAL!"

Rude? Maybe. It embarrassed the manfriend something awful. He argued that yelling out a car window probably won't influence anyone and instead they might defiantly ignore my request... my request to look after his own safety. I considered his point for a long time, I really did. After all, you do attract more bees with honey (or flowers, really!!), than vinegar.

F.Y.I.

But ultimately, I have decided that it is not only appropriate for me to register my expectation that he communicate with me properly while putting his life at risk - it is necessary. Maybe he had never even considered signaling before. And whether or not my request influenced his decision, I can only control my output and not the reactions of others - but I do feel that it is absolutely VITAL that, as a society, we communicate our expectations to the others who share our communities. This is how we build vibrant and respectful places to work and live! If it happened again, I would do the same thing. Cyclists need to signal if they want to be successful and alive at the end of their journeys, and I'm willing to be that jerk who tells them. Besides, I said "please."

By being idealists about the intentions and the power of humankind, we are pushing ourselves to attain those goals, says Viktor Frankl, legendary psychiatrist and Holocaust-survivor, as he delivers a powerful four and a half minute long message on why it is important to believe in others. This TED Talk was actually filmed in 1976 and has been declared by TED to be "best of the web" and definitely worth seeing. Please spare the 4:21 to listen to this funny man tell you about the human search for meaning -- and the most important gift we can give others.




In many ways, we do create our own reality, and in general, the people around us will rise or fall to our expectations. Do you think it was wrong of me to request this cyclist signal?

TED Tuesday - Radical Women Embracing Tradition

When I was 15 years old, my naive self fell desperately in love with a tall ginger-haired athletic boy who ended up -predictably to everyone else- breaking my heart. And in the entire time that I basked in that silly teenage romance, I have but one regret; I can remember the day that he asked me, in front of his guy friends of course, if I was a Feminist. I had no idea how to answer. I spun the question and told him that I believed women deserved equal rights and equal opportunities. But his friends chose to laugh and call me a "feminazi," that I was probably going to burn my bras and expect better jobs than men. Why this didn't enrage me, I'm not sure. My boyfriend - and in my 15 year old heart, my One True Love - took my hand and asked sincerely, "You aren't actually a Feminist, are you? You aren't a feminazi?" And, regretfully, I said No. I'm not.

Since that time in my life I have done a lot of growing, a lot of reading, and a lot of self-reflection. I can remember the day in University that I stood up and started telling people - "Of COURSE I'm a feminist, and I will be until I feel that championing this cause is overkill." But sadly, that day hasn't come. Realistically, it may never come in my lifetime, and that is why - I explained to anyone who would listen - it was up to us to tell people that we aren't afraid to call ourselves Feminists in order to highlight the gap that still exists. As Kavita Ramdas, today's speaker, says: "Feminism is not about fighting one distinct oppressor. Its against a deeply held set of beliefs and assumptions that we, as women, hold ourselves far too often."

This week's TED Tuesday Talk is given by Kavita Ramdas, a brilliant woman and feminist who has traveled the globe speaking to amazing women everywhere. Her insights are wrought with experience, anger, acceptance, and intelligence. In a time when women are universally seeking to overthrow many traditions, she gives her speech about Radical Women Embracing Tradition - and how this empowers them to make change.



We can be flowers, we can also be sparks of change.