Monotony and the self.

Just write something, she said. I believe in you, Mama.

But what is there to write when day in and day out is monotony? Granted, the most meaningful monotony of my entire existence, but monotony just the same.

This is my first post in 2012, since November to be clear, and it is, so far, worthless. How do you write about each day when each day looks exactly the same as the last? How do you write about the feelings when the feelings never change, a veritable roller-coaster in grey. Things are sunny, things are dark but ultimately they are all the same. Get up. Milk. Breakfast. Milk. Playtime. Milk. Groceries. Milk. Lunch. Milk. Nap-time. Milk Milk Milk. Clean clean clean. Cook cook cook.

Is he walking yet? Is he talking yet? Is he a super-star rock n' roll basketball hero yet?

I remember when I used to be creative, but not vividly. I remember it like I remember looking at a powerful photograph, not as though I was really there. I remember when I used to feel that my art meant something. To me, mostly, and maybe to other people, too.

What is a blog for, is it for me? A space to be honest about who I am to a world of people who only wish to tear me down silently behind their computer screens? Or is it a space for me to harp about the parenting choices I make, subsequently making other people question their own monotonous existence? If it is meant to be a space to connect, how do I feel so disconnected? Compared to everyone else at all times.


The other day I realised something again, but for the first time. We are nothing, all of us. We are specs of nothing on the grand scheme of nothingness. This is very freeing, as it means I can do anything I want, I can make any choice I'd like to make. I have only me, I can only control myself. No one else is working to make me happy. No one.

I have begun to consciously choose selfishness. But only when the little one is sleeping.

My first handmade trade: SUCCESS!

I make no secret of my love over twitter. The biggest reason, of course, is that it has connected me to some pretty spectacular people.

Many of you reading these exact words, probably.

But one person who was brought swiftly to me after joining twitter was @chasingthenuns, or Sarah from Cerlandia.com. I have freaking loved this woman since BEFORE I WAS A MOM! Which seems like a lifetime and a half ago, okay?

She approached me to do a handmade trade and I said YES! And then we had a postal strike. And then I ruined the thing I was making for her. And then I was just the WORST INTERNET FRIEND of all time and just dragged my ass for weeks leaving the project unfinished while I trudged through sleeplessness and grumpy life.

But in the meantime, Sarah was timely and thoughtful and mailed me my half of the handmade trade.

When I opened up the package, the first thing I saw was my first (of hopefully many!) handwritten letter from her.

I pulled out the bag and immediately fell in love with it.

I just have to show you a close up of the adorable appliques she made! Originally I had hinted we might be using this bag for shopping.

So cute, right? Even crumpled up right out of the box, this bag is perfect, with gorgeous vintage fabric lining. Even though we don't use the bag for groceries anymore. It has officially become our library bag! So perfect for books. Plus, if Sarah lived here, we would for sure be library buddies, I just know it.

She even gifted me some of her son's cloth diaper covers for our own cloth diapering adventures.

And she never once complained (out loud) about how late and horrible I was. I can only hope I made up for it by sending her something she will really love... truly the hardest applique I have ever put on one of my stitched hand-bound journals! But she deserves it.

Love you, Sarah! So glad you found a way into my life and my heart.

Snail Mail Friends Forever,
Farren

Ps - Here is a sneak preview of the applique I made for her hand-bound Journal:

Go take a peek HERE to see the journal in its completion!!

What is Burning Man about? I'll tell you.

Yes, I have been to Burning Man. And the number one question I hear is, "What is Burning Man about?"

I'll tell you.

No, Burning Man isn't a giant rave in the desert. Despite what you've heard, it isn't really about music. It isn't about sex or drugs or nudity either.

Burning Man 2009 - Open Playa

It is about people. It is about community. It's about coming together and creating a city void of social status, void of judgement, void of consumerism and greed.

A 3-Story woman made from cables.

It is about pushing ourselves to the limits just to see what we can do. It is about respecting our peers and giving them the space to be and do what makes them happiest. It is about realizing your own personal abundance and gifting the excess to everyone and anyone who happens by. It is the realization that everything we do - a hug, a shared story, a smile, a gin and tonic for a friend - is an experience, a gift of its own right. It's about Art. Or the idea that creativity doesn't live within the boundaries of success and failure.

Yes I made this costume myself.

It is about always striving to be a participant and never just a spectator.

And this year I am staying home. I stayed home last year, too, seven months pregnant and no way in hell was I interested in the physical toll that is living in a tent in a dried up dusty desert-hot lake bed. But my Handsome Mandude wasn't going, either, and I was content in taking a year off.

This year I am not pregnant. I am a Mama. And my Handsome Mandude is venturing down into the desert without me. And he is bringing two of my closest friends.

Yours truly, FireHooping before we lit up The Man

It's true that I could probably go. Other Mamas with babies as young as mine (or younger) find a solid babysitter and make the trip. I'm, personally, not ready to be away from Squeaky D for that long. And I'm breastfeeding and that relationship is more important to me.

And maybe it is possible to bring a baby to Burning Man. But I wouldn't, and I would advise anyone thinking about it not to do it. I'm just not sure it is fair to bring a little person into a world so dusty, hot, overstimulating, borderline dangerous, and overwhelming with no real means of escape. At least not until they can communicate to you about it.


I guess I'm just feeling nostalgic about the whole thing. About the freedom of it all, to be myself and to be fearless about it.  Nostalgic about the people that I've met there, the friendships I have made. The incredible art that people work so hard to drag into the desert for me to climb on, experience, and enjoy.

This Cape used to be a tablecloth.

The ability to wear whatever I want; a tutu, a fur bikini, a bad-ass road warrior leather ensemble, or a giant red cape made from my friend's old silk tablecloth. I'm remembering the cool desert evenings filled with rushing to eat, clean, dress, be ready for the chill and excitement of the dark dark night. The laughter and spontaneity of riding our blinky glowing art bikes through dunes of playa dust, veering from structure to structure, covering miles of rock hard earth just to seek out a little bit of adventure and exhilaration. I'm wistful over that feeling at the end of the week, covered in a dust so fine that no amount of washing seems to take it off, bursting with desire to create, create, PARTICIPATE, climbing the highest art piece and shouting my poetry into the dust storms. Seeing The Man explode with fire, the culmination of all our excitement and experience, until he dwindles down to nothing but embers, ashes, nuts, and bolts.


I'm feeling nostalgic about The Temple, the most quiet and sacred space at Burning Man, built carefully with intricate details, then flooded with emotion literally stapled, written on, and pinned to its wooden walls. Then on the last day, fifty thousand people gather silently - absolutely silently - and solomnly watch it burn down. Let me just say, there is something beyond magical about being one of fifty thousand quietly contemplating all that it means to see the week end and the temple burn to the ground.

Temple in Daylight

Temple at Night

I was going to write a post about how experiencing Burning Man - how being a Burner - has made me into a better parent. But instead I was feeling nostalgic and wrote this. So, in the spirit of art and community and sharing, I will leave you with a poem that I wrote after my first year at Burning Man, a poem that will be pinned up to this year's Temple which, eventually, will burn down to the ground. Simply because it must. And I'll talk about parenting another day.

=================

Handsome Mandude and I

there were good things and magnificent things 

and bad things and horrific things and i saw them all, 

i experienced them all, and they made me different. 

i blocked the sun and i made it shine, 

i helped and hindered time 

and allowed this mass to hurtle onwards. 

i rolled my eyes and rolled my tires 

over dunes of pure dust, through walls of it, 

rolled in it, slept in it, basked in it. 

i climbed on creation and filled my eyes 

and my hands, my mouth. 

my heart. 

i was part of an awe-filled silent crowd 

and i joined gangs of animals 

surging out loud. 

it seethed and was frigid, 

it was comforting, chilling. 

i swung and was flung, 

and we laughed, we wove stories, 

we shimmied, we shared, and we cried. 

we created community and we burned it all to the fucking ground
just to see if we can do it again next year.

xox

Farren Square

Breastfeeding is a crazy (wonderful) thing.

You know, breastfeeding is a crazy thing.

Forget the fact that it is a hot-button issue these days. Forget that it is often disrespected and women are shamed for nursing publicly. Even forget the fact that people who don't understand it, often, for some INSANE reason, sexualize it.

Just think about how, for thousands and thousands of years, it was the only choice. It literally IS how our species has survived infancy since the beginning of our time. Wow. Not only that, but think about how truly complex and fantastic our human bodies - our mammal bodies - are for being able to not only create and store milk, but to transfer it to our babies in such a loving and comforting way.

Before I go any further, I want to make a disclaimer. I want everyone reading this to know how I feel about breastfeeding and mothers who do otherwise. There are no hard feelings here - and I want to stress that we all love our babies and we all share, cultivate, and bask in this love in meaningful ways no matter how we feed them. It is true that, unfortunately, some mothers have more success than others. But to all of you who have put a baby to breast, who have breastfed at all - think back to the calm quiet moments, even if those moments can be so few in those early weeks. Think to yourself - My body made colostrum, my body made milk and I gave it to my baby. I did that! 

Breastfeeding Then.

Maybe it is just that, in all my life, I had actually never considered my body's potential in this way. In the last decade of my life I have noticed a very profound appreciation for my body's potential in many different ways. I could jump, and climb trees, ride my bike pretty fast. I could swim fairly well. I rode horses and ran races and drank an obscene amount of alcohol in my early twenties. My body was great.

In the last four years of life, my appreciation grew deeper. I started sharing my poetry. And people other than me liked it! I met a handsome mandude who taught me how to view each experience as an opportunity to see art and creativity. I went to burning man and experienced a real community, a life lived without fear of judgement - FOR REAL - for the very first time. I realized that the most single important and incredible thing that we could do as humans was to create. We can create something from nothing at all - a painting, a poem, a novel, a dance, a warm moment, a hug, a crazy wild experience - from nothing but the pit of our minds and maybe a bit of legwork. My body was amazing.

And then I became pregnant and I realized that, though we both had a hand in it, I was completely on my own in growing and creating this tiny little life inside me. I couldn't help but ponder, as it squiggled around in there, how fantastic it was that I had a factory inside me for making more of me. I felt very connected to the women who came before me, who had carried the beginnings of humanity. I could sense the juxtaposition of how far we have come laid against what has not changed, will never change. But mostly I ate. And grew. And ate and grew, and the baby did, too, and my mind expanded along with us. This is crazy, I thought. I made a HUMAN BEING with thoughts and preferences and an idea about the world someday. And I'm going to push it outta me and then what!

Breastfeeding Now.

And then what? I started breastfeeding. And my baby emptied my colostrum. And my baby brought in my milk. And then, through those first days, that haze so thick with love, and soreness, and obsession, and sleep deprivation, and love - it struck me. Breastfeeding is so intricate; a mix of hormones, knowledge, support, instinct, circumstance, confidence, and science. Breastfeeding is at once complex and natural. It is so easy and perfect and yet at times it can be a struggle. And you know? It wasn't all easy for me, and I think it is okay to be honest about that, but I grew to love it. Ultimately, I was sustaining human life. An entire life, outside of mine. I was nourishing his every need with my body. This blew me away. Here he was, my son. And we could lay, stomach to stomach and doze. And he was being fed.

And then I realized. Our bodies are good and amazing. They are fantastic and spectacular! And breastfeeding is a crazy (wonderful) thing.

Happy World Breastfeeding Week.

#9. This Moment: Mirror Buddy

Mirror Buddy

{this moment}

A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savour, and remember.

If you're inspired to do the same

leave your link in the comments 

then go to Soule Mama and do the same.

A Poem for World Poetry Day

Poetry is such a vulnerable thing. A simple combination of words that comes from a place so deep in our souls. Of course we are nervous to share our art with the world, it is so revealing! We are made so exposed!

It has taken me a long time to realize that my poetry isn't about the reader or their reaction to it. I write this poetry for me and myself only, I share it because I'm confident that art should be shared. Your reaction is welcome, but it doesn't shape the way I feel about my poetry.

This is an older poem of mine, taken from the book, "Pressed Flowers in a Dictionary," but it is a favourite amongst those who have heard me read aloud.  This one is called:

Scientific Method
seven even veins follow low frequencies of touch
much of which itches to be often soft but aiming
your flaming gaze makes aches of cool
shivers pool in the all small of my back
crack a skinny smile i'll shimmy for your
shake and fake nonchalance while
my mind pines and launches into scheme
dreams about your poor outsides sidled
next to (vexed too) mine.

know that the flow of our bodies ought to be
something pumping as strong as wine while
we find distractions from the
actions my hips and lips cannot deny.

touch me touch me you say play
a melody it'll be the sweetest
feat to wait and wait then reciprocate
but i can't deny the sound sound
of your lies cause the way your
body moves is so damn smooth.


I suggest you try reading it out loud. Happy World Poetry Day! 

Christmas for Three

My little family is expanding! This Christmas, we'll have three stockings to stuff.

Adam Sadowsky and OKGo's Rube Goldberg Machine of Awesome

How can one gigantic Rube Goldberg Machine and a 3 minute 45 second music video teach us about the intricacies of life?

-The small stuff may stink, but it is absolutely essential.

-While planning is important, so is flexibility.

A Rube Goldberg Machine

-Life can be messy. And difficult. But the ending is always worth it.

-This, too, shall pass.

Why am I posting this TED video that is basically a glorified music video? Not only because I believe that there is much to be learned from their experience, but also because I have never seen such an intricate music video in my life (If you have, please post a link in the comments!), and I do believe that video art is still art. This OKGo video is indeed art to me. Plus, not only can I watch this video over and over without catching each intricacy - I also get a little emotional at the end when I realize that the team needed 85 takes to get the job done. They must have been so elated and relieved!

Adam Sadowsky engineers an OKGo music video:

Looking forward to hearing what you think!

xox
Farren

TED Tuesday - Simplicity Sells

This hilarious TED talk highlights a key message to all who work in design. Simplicity sells. Whether you design furniture, websites, or sell on Etsy - limit the hoops your customers have to jump through, and you'll gain life-long supporters. Plus I can't resist a TED Talk that features parody songs!

"New York Times columnist David Pogue takes aim at technology’s worst interface-design offenders, and provides encouraging examples of products that get it right. To funny things up, he bursts into song:"



I think this is a TED Talk celebrating the fact that I am getting my new iPhone Today! I have been waiting a long time to upgrade, and it is finally time, Yeehaw! Good bye, really terrible cheap cellphone, hello Personal Electronic Organizer!

Here are a few of my favourite *simple* iPhone cases & sleeves...



A gorgeous show-stopping customizable wooden iPhone Sleeve from GreenHouseFX.Etsy.com









A very cute tongue-in-cheek Vegan Leather iPhone Sleeve from
Squirrellicious.Etsy.com







An incredible and impossibly adorable felt Monster iPhone Sleeve from Kelsey @ Appleblossom21.Etsy.com

And a bright and cheery well-crafted yellow knit iPhone Sleeve from AmandaFenniak.Etsy.com




xox
Farren Square

Simple Tips: How to Organize your Craft Space

To tell you about my craft space, first I have to tell you a bit about my apartment. I love my apartment. But not for the size, or the landlord, or the arrangement, or the way the kitchen appliances are over 35 years old and the colour of crusty mustard. Though that last one grows on me more and more with each addition of blue kitchen-ware. I am in love with the location and the relatively inexpensive rent, considering I live very central in a pretty large city. The building is sinking and I hear sirens, traffic, and wanderers at night - but the people who live in this neighbourhood are so diverse, interesting, and mostly harmless - anything less just wouldn't be home to me, now.

But the limited space does mean that my handsome manfriend and I need to be creative when figuring our how to be productive in our tiny place. My craft locale is a folding table, nestled delicately between the sliding balcony door (one of our only sources of natural light!) and the giant bookshelf full of novels, texts, my gigantic collection of national geographics, and vinyl records.

I had a lot of fun organizing everything and learned a lot for next year - as I definitely seem to be the kind of crafter who collects odds and ends with the hopes of doing something fruitful with it another time - hence the 200 issues of National Geographics. Ha.

Here are some of the little tidbits that made my re-organization successful, pleasurable, and efficient:

1) Start with five piles or boxes: things to keep, things that need a "forever home," things to recycle, things to give away, and things to throw away. Be ruthless. If you don't do it now, it will just haunt you later. Get rid of your trash, recycle, and give-away boxes immediately, don't look back!
2) Once you have figured out what is staying in your craft space, spread it out in front of you. Dump out drawers, open all your boxes, empty all your kits and cases. Start to really consider your art.
3) This is where it gets personal. Think about your own method. What works for you? What is important to keep you motivated? I like sunshine and plants, so I made sure that was a part of my craft space. I found an absolutely gorgeous vintage picnic basket and decided to use it to store unsold finished projects, and soon after stumbled about a vintage child's toy picnic basket which worked perfectly as an area just for my unfinished projects, as I can't stand constantly putting them completely away.
4) Group like with like. This is a great way to visualize how much space everything really does use. I put all my scissors and art knives together, all my different glues and adhesives together. My elastic and ribbon, my thread and bobbins, vintage buttons, stamps, everything went into little piles all over my table and floor - I pulled out every photo box, every old jar, vintage make up case, wicker basket, pencil box, or antique tin I had lying around to see what might fit where. Other ideas to contain your supplies include napkin holders, cake platters with domes, and envelope books. Etsy.com is a great place to look for items such as these!

5) Don't forget to think outside the box, too! I'm very visual and tactile, I like to see and be able to touch all my supplies immediately. Everything that I use often found a spot directly on my table or closest shelf. My top drawers reserved for items I reach for most - but I also decided to hang a few things - like an envelope to hold recent receipts until I can file them as well as small butterfly clips on a string so that I can hang baggies of earring hooks, snaps, and brads. I make my own patterns, so I finally made them each their own envelope and then drew the garment on the front of the envelope in neat sharpie colours and slid them all into their own little box.
6) Be comfortable in your own space. Stick to a style you love. I love warm, open, and cozy spaces and wanted my tiny craft nook to reflect that style. And I wanted it to be a place where I love to spend time. Mission Accompli!

For me, this organization project was at first a daunting task that turned out to be a lot of fun and didn't quite take the effort I was expecting. It can be very inspiring to see all the supplies, colours, and tools to have at one's disposal! Good luck to everyone launching their own organization project, I think you will find that a clear space translates to a clear mind - which really lets those great ideas sparkle through. Shine on you crazy diamonds, Shine on!

The 8 Secrets of Success

A quickie TED talk, today! I found this speedy little video the other day and watched it for my own curiosity. Am I on track with my goals and aspirations? Am I moving towards success? Turns out, there were a few things that I was already doing, a few things that I know I needed to focus on, and a few things that I needed to re-evaluate about myself and my goals.

Even though this video is extremely short, it is packed with useful and motivational information that helped me feel like I was on the right track. Hopefully you feel the same way!


"Why do people succeed? Is it because they're smart? Or are they just lucky? Neither. Analyst Richard St. John condenses years of interviews into an unmissable 3-minute slideshow on the real secrets of success:"



Motivated?! Let's get creative!

To view more TED talks, go here.

How schools are killing creativity.

The Second installment of the TED Tuesday Feature! To see the first TED Tuesday, Click Here!

All children have talents, and we squander them pretty ruthlessly. How proud are children of their creativity, how quick they are to show off their work without fear of judgment. What are we doing to them that by the time they reach adulthood, the majority of that creativity is flat and uninspired and the majority of adults are too anxious to share their true creative thoughts and ideas?

Most of us went through the Education System, and we all have an opinion on how it may have made us into the person we are now. As a teacher, I maintain the philosophy that children need more opportunities to be creative critical thinkers and have more questions asked of THEM, instead of being told what is what. I agree that creativity is as important as literacy - it is a vital skill to hold.


Here is an outstanding video about how schools are killing creativity and what we need to do about it. (19min21sec)


I've seen it in the classrooms everywhere. Art projects that have step by step instruction manuals and large expectations. Children who are told what to think instead of asked their for their own synthesis of information.

Picasso said that all children are born artists - the problem is to remain an artist as we grow up. Is creativity literally educated out of us?

New Feature! TED Tuesdays

I'm the kind of person that separates my creations into two sections: Table Crafts and Couch Crafts. Most of my creations pull from a little of column A and a little of column B. Thus, I started poking around the Internet for interesting things to watch during "Couch Craft" time and re-discovered my love of TED talks. Many of them are incredibly thought provoking and inspiring on many different topics, and because they are just speeches - it is easy to craft while you listen.

I have decided to feature a new TED talk every Tuesday in the hopes of sharing thoughts and ideas, inspiring others, and hopefully inciting some interesting discussion on my blog. I would love to have you chime in with your opinion on the topics I post.

So lean back, grab your knitting or stitching or oil pastels and join me for a TED talk, maybe it will get you thinking.

This week's topic is Creativity. Does the confidence to create come naturally to you? Or do you work to overcome those little voices that can sometimes bring us down?

Author of Eat, Pray, Love, Elizabeth Gilbert gave this TED talk on Genius, on Nurturing Creativity, and on overcoming fear - the fear of failure. Can we work to eliminate those insecurities by removing our ego from the equation? Listen to one person's theory on how (19min32sec):


Why is it that artists and creative people everywhere are linked to a history of mental or emotional suffering? Will Artistry almost always lead to anguish? Have you brushed up against 'that thing' that makes you feel like you might just have a genius standing over your shoulder? Sometimes I feel like ideas coming knocking on my head, asking me to make them real.

While watching this TED talk, I worked on this:

Did you work on anything you'd like to share?

Giant crocheted Raccoon Mario rug

If anything has ever inspired me to re-learn how to crochet, this is it. This is beautiful:



Learn More Here.

A Mustache for Movember

My cousin, Jeff, grows a mustache every November. Come December 1st he shaves it off - and happily, too. He does not like growing a mustache. Why does he do it? To raise money and awareness for Men's Health.

Men across the world are growing mustaches in order to raise money for a charity of their choice. Jeff has gone with Prostate Cancer Canada, definitely something that men just don't mention casually to one another. When he started his pledge to raise money, I wanted to help him -but I just couldn't afford it.

So I decided to make this tough, rugged, and manly Mustache Journal to help him raise money for his cause.



This Journal is Up for Auction and all proceeds will go directly to Jeff's fund for Prostate Cancer Canada. I think it is one of the best journals I have made so far, I absolutely love the detail of the fabric and the binding is so sturdy.



Jeff may not like mustaches, but I sure do! Besides being pretty tough, rugged, and manly, I think they can be pretty sexy too. I mean, Tom Selleck couldn't be wrong - could he?

For more details about this notebook, please Click Here!

To donate directly to Jeff's cause Click Here!

xox
Farren Square

Creative Triggers

It is a rare moment that I sit down and say to myself, "Okay, time to be creative," and wait for the juices to flow. I just simply can't be ordered to create when I am not feeling in the moment. Poetry is the best example of this. If I get an idea for a poem I really like, I have to launch into the moment to create the masterpiece. Poems are like realizations, one must pluck them from the air before they pass. In other situations, like crafting handmade things or hoop dancing, this rule is pliable; in the last four years I have figured out different "creative triggers" that will often launch me into that head space I need in order to be at my most creative. While some of them were a no-brainer for me, other things seem so small and random! But each one has their place.

Here is a list of where I draw the most inspiration:

• Deadlines! The most obvious, of course. This summer I realized just how much it will motivate me, when I'm heading out that door for ten days to spend time at the craziest art festival in the world - that is a deadline that got me moving, and happily.
  
• Fellow Artisans and Creators. Looking around can be so inspiring! Whether it is fantastic art pieces, costumes, or handmade designs - I can always find something to get my own wheels turning in completely different ways.
  
• Sitting down in my little crafting nook that I've set up for myself! It is awesome in there with my electric typewriter, sewing machine, and all my supplies in reach. I've started to realize the merit in starting projects - but always leaving one small thing undone in such a way that picking it up and finishing it would be a breeze... and while I'm there, I usually jump right into the next project.
  
• Painting my toenails. Weird hey?
  
• Looking away from the internet. But just once in a while. Not too much. But if I don't, I could get trapped for days. And I mean days and days and days. I love you, internet.
  

What are your creative triggers? Listening to music? Kissing cute people? Both at the same time?

xox
FarrenSquare