A Poem Inspired by Dance and Hoop Path

Farren Square 2009 Photo by Ester Malzahn

This poem came coursing through me at the end of the first day of hoop dance workshops with JL Baxter of Hoop Path, and I shared it with all 46 other dancers at the end of the third and final day. My hoop is my temple, and dancing is my prayer. It felt powerful to be in a room with 46 artists and dancers, dancing for the love of movement and the freedom of expectation.


My Ribs

I felt my ribs
          break     open
two birds were freed.
My heart is healed
by the teal tears
of my reflection.

The earth     holds me.

My fingers are roots my    h a i r
stretches  l o n g   like  b r a n c h e s
Song and soot of dirty sweat

          I ache

to be free
of these ribs

          I quake

at the whisper
of the air
of the linger.

The earth     holds me.

Healed by teal tears
the girth of me
feels my ribs
       
          break     open

and two birds were freed
inside my heart

-Farren

You may be interested in my Other Poems including:

"Scientific Method"

"Allowed Hibernating"

and

A Poem inspired by Burning Man.

Has it been a year?

I wear my age proudly, like a child.

Each year that passes, I look back at what I've come through. I thumb through old journal entries and letters. I think to myself, I have survived this. I made it through the difficult days and the wonderful ones, too. Each year just seems to get easier.

So, why not? Be proud of how I get older, I mean. It's fantastic, isn't it? Like a puzzle I am building - aiming for a picture of grace, wisdom, humour, and compassion.

February 2010

Sometimes this motherhood thing can be intense. It's true that everybody tells you, everybody says: it changes you. But what they don't say is that it can rip the you right out of your body for a while. Right out of your experience. That you will find yourself watching your life pass by as though you aren't even living it anymore.

You are so quickly thrown into the fire of passion and motherhood that you don't even have time to notice how you are not you. You are other. It isn't necessarily bad. It is just so scary, at first, and so different. It can be hard to know exactly where you are going, anymore, and if you are going anywhere at all. I used to be a steam engine, laying tracks seconds before I powered over them. And now I ask myself if I am even going anywhere at all. We've scaled this mountain side, and now we take pause. Which path leads this train to happiness?

Even now, as I explore this new role, I'm still dig dig digging into the back of my mind, deep in self-reflection. Even now, nearly a year later. Nearly a year since I walked out of the hospital wide-eyed in disbelief that they were letting us take this tiny fragile human being home in our care. To our home. Forever. Even now, I'm still not sure who I am.

But I can see myself, coming through the forest, with a steady pace and a more confident step than I have had in years. I can see all the strength inside myself, the willingness to be magnificent and electric. Without ego. Simply to be the best human I can be, for myself, for my son. Within my own boundaries. 

And I like that the glimpses of my old self still shine through in so many tenacious and spectacular ways.

Me? Versatile?

What an honour! I've always thought of myself described more by the words "mish-mash" or "smorgasbord" but Versatile sounds so much better!

Really, though, I squee'd with flattery when a saw that Darlena from Tales of an Unlikely Mother chose me to receive the award. Why? Because she is incredible! This mother of two twin girls has a great blog, takes the time to offer toddler tricks (I'm seriously soaking them up for later), and has a great tongue-in-cheek sense of humour - while still honouring mothers and supporting whatever choices they make to succeed in this crazy mommy world.

In part of receiving this award, I was asked to list seven facts about myself and then pass the award on to seven other bloggers!

Let's start with the seven facts:

1. I wear earrings nearly everyday. The bigger and flashier they are, the better. These days my little housebeast has learned to grab onto them so I've had to dig through my stash to find the smaller pairs. I really hope I don't have to give up earrings for him!
2. I have a Bachelor's degree in Education and I was a grade-school and pre-school teacher for 5 years. I actually really love working with kids, although babies are a total new mystery to me. 
3. I have long blond dreadlocks and I have had them for nearly 10 years. They have been many different colours but for most of that time they have been blond or bright white. They are so easy to care for that I can't imagine going any other way right now.
4. I'm not married. GASP. Neither were my parents when I was born, but they are still together after almost 30 years.
5. I'm a hula hooper. Though we really don't like the word "hula," we prefer to call it hoop dance. At one point (ie: right before I became pregnant) I was doing paid performances and teaching classes locally! Can't wait to get back to it, and I'm hoping to post a pregnant hooping video sometime soon...
6. I was dedicated to horse riding for most of my teenage years and even spent time riding competitively. We rode mostly english - with the jumping and the small saddles and the big black helmets - but also loved to expose my horse to the trails and sometimes even cattle. Still love that guy, he mostly belongs to my mom now.
7. I speak french. I used to be fully fluent but I've lost so much of it over the years. Sometimes I still dream in french! I'd really love to take a few classes (or move to Paris...) to freshen up, eventually someday. 

Now I get to tell you about seven other blogs that I truly adore! I am awarding each of these bloggers with the Versatile Bloggers Award - but no pressure, my friends! It's fun for me to talk about bloggers I love - but if you know me at all then you know I am not one for automatically following any rules! 

Seven Incredible and Versatile Blogs:

1. Amanda from the Last Mom on Earth is an incredible woman and mother, and she writes about motherhood in the most gorgeous and heartfelt way. I love her.
2. The Rockin' Momma Blog is an awesome, in-your-face account of one Punk Rock Momma and her view of the world. Plus she is expecting! Can't wait to meet her newest baby rocker! 
3. Sarah from Cerlandia is one of the most brilliant and powerful women I have ever had the chance to know. She is crafty and great in the kitchen - and she's an intelligent feminist with a heart in social justice. Seriously, how could I not adore her? (She's great on twitter, too)
4. I love Jennifer Banks who writes at TechMommy.ca - a hip guide to technology from a mother's point of view. The nerd in me is caught on every word.
5. Sasha from One Rich Mother and I met in the same online due date club and I liked her right from the start. She is warm, inclusive, knowledgeable and dedicated to being an incredible mother. She goes out of her way to make people feel good and that is something to be celebrated.
6. Robyn from The Edmonton Tourist is one of the funniest people I know, ever. She's got a great head on her shoulders and an incredible perspective on life. Every time I read her blog, I find one more thing that inspires me to be more like her. Plus, did I mention she is hilarious?
7. Last but not least... Not a blog but a podcast from Lindsay at Manic Mommy. Lindsay is so spectacular for so so many reasons. She is the reason I survived those first three weeks of mom-life, she held my hand and was the calm voice of reason that helped me through the hectic moments of insanity that were the first few days of Desmond's life. Besides being an amazing mom, musician, intellectual, and feminist - she knows buttloads of cool people and interviews them for her podcasts, and you can listen to them while you make dinner. Rad.

There you have it! Seven facts about me and seven blogs that deserve to be honoured and celebrated!

xox
Farren

New! Come Learn to Hoop Dance!

This ain't the hula hooping you may have done as a kid. These are real dancing props, made for adults who still feel young at heart - and those that long to!

Come join the feel-good revolution by smiling as you sweat and lose all that stress in your life - by spinning!

Starting February 9th, I am offering hooping classes for all experience levels! We will be focusing on mastery of the hula hoop as a dancing prop, the health and vitality of movement for fitness, and the free and creative connection created when inside the circle.

What: Hoop Dance Class with Farren Square

When: Tuesdays 7:30pm - aprox 8:40pm Starting February 9th

Where: We are renting Gymboree –13533 St. Albert Trail NW Edmonton, next to the old ClubFit (now World Heath Club)

Why: An innovative and fun way to be active, meet other people, gain confidence, and focus on you for a change.

How Much: Grand Opening SALE! Sign up for all nine classes for only $80.00!! Drop in fees are also only $10 per class, for a limited time!

Hoops will be available to use, as well as for sale! Bring your own if you have it, a water bottle, and wear clothes you would wear to the gym.



For more Information, join our Facebook Group or e-mail me at farren [!at] farrensquare.com

Happy New Year!

Here is to a new decade! I think about where I was ten years ago and how far I have come emotionally, spiritually, and professionally - it can be overwhelming how much can change in 10 years!

In the new year we will be able to say "Twenty-" instead of "Two thousand and-" which is pretty exciting. I hope to advance professionally as a hoop dance performer, an Etsy seller, and a teacher - but I'm also taking this time to focus on growing myself as a supportive and devoted friend, partner, and family member. I see a lot of positive personal growth in the next year and decade!

So to all friends and newcomers reading my blog, I wish you the happiest of New Years and New Decades filled with your own personal growth and successes.

Much Love!
Farren Square

What is all the Hoopla?

If you had told me two years ago the level of importance that circle would play in my life, I'd have laughed. To be honest, I think any sane person might laugh if you told them that a hula hoop could mean so much spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally to a person. But it does.

My hoop is my sanctuary, it is my temple. It is such a simple motion, but it takes my all my focus and clears my mind of all clutter.

There are moments inside my circle that I'm feeling the music and using my body to propel such a simple shape in some pretty imaginative ways. That we have legs and arms and skin and cells that can do and be so much is in itself a miracle! But that we can take patient practice to study, learn, and perfect movements that make us so happy is just beyond that in so many ways, it may not even be communicable. I encourage you to try it, and if it doesn't suit you - try something else. Because this kind of passion for movement and grace (something I'm definitely working towards) can be within everybody! This is a feeling worth seeking. I wish it upon everyone I know.

And now that I'm working towards becoming a paid performer - with a few gigs already under my belt - I'm just ecstatic. I understand the drive to create and share and aim for independence. I understand the artist's elation - because to benefit from doing something you truly love to do is the ultimate joy.



Click here to see my hooping pictures on Flickr

Click here to see my hooping videos