The Bad Mommy versus The Perfect Mommy

When I announced my pregnancy to my large group of -mostly childless- friends, several people told me that I would make a good mom.

That sentence scared me like nothing else in pregnancy ever had. What does it even mean, to be a good mother? How does one qualify what a good mother looks like, sounds like? And if some mothers are good mothers, that means there are bad mothers - and what if I was secretly one of them? What if I was selfish sometimes and wanted to go to the bathroom without my kid in there with me, what if I wanted to leave my baby with his daddy and escape to the coffee shop sometimes, does that make me a bad mommy?

Is this what a bad Mommy looks like?

What if I put my sleeping baby down in a swing, does that make me a bad mommy? What if cloth diapers just don't work for us overnight - now am I a bad mommy?

It's all just too much to think about, defining who is and who isn't a bad mommy. I can only focus on what I choose to do because it feels right to me.

It feels right to put my sleeping baby in a swing, where he will be rocked and loved while I breathe and sip the cold coffee I made for myself hours earlier. It feels right to put him in a disposable diaper so that neither of us are waking every hour for a diaper change. It feels right to take time to re-charge every so often, to remind myself that I am just "I" - not always a "We."

It feels right to breastfeed my baby, but if that didn't work for us the way it has so far, it would feel right to make sure my baby was fed and happy - no matter what I had to do to accomplish that task.

In 2008 I had the chance to be a part of a community where nobody is judged for any choice that they happen to make, as long as it is respectful to others. I felt absolutely freed from the world's negativity. I vowed that I would return to my life and work harder than ever before to make sure nobody I ever encountered felt judged for any choice they make (as long as it was respectful towards others). I've slipped up more than once, but I still continue forward with this mission, especially now that becoming a mommy has opened up a gorgeously diverse group of women for me.

But as I get to know these mothers, as I move forward as a mother myself... I'm realising that I never stopped judging myself. I never stopped and allowed myself to simply make the best choices that I can. I haven't let myself believe that it's okay not to be an absolutely perfect mother.

Or that maybe I get to be the one who decides what perfect means for my family. I think it is time to move forward, to let go. I think it's time for freedom.

Me? Versatile?

What an honour! I've always thought of myself described more by the words "mish-mash" or "smorgasbord" but Versatile sounds so much better!

Really, though, I squee'd with flattery when a saw that Darlena from Tales of an Unlikely Mother chose me to receive the award. Why? Because she is incredible! This mother of two twin girls has a great blog, takes the time to offer toddler tricks (I'm seriously soaking them up for later), and has a great tongue-in-cheek sense of humour - while still honouring mothers and supporting whatever choices they make to succeed in this crazy mommy world.

In part of receiving this award, I was asked to list seven facts about myself and then pass the award on to seven other bloggers!

Let's start with the seven facts:

1. I wear earrings nearly everyday. The bigger and flashier they are, the better. These days my little housebeast has learned to grab onto them so I've had to dig through my stash to find the smaller pairs. I really hope I don't have to give up earrings for him!
2. I have a Bachelor's degree in Education and I was a grade-school and pre-school teacher for 5 years. I actually really love working with kids, although babies are a total new mystery to me. 
3. I have long blond dreadlocks and I have had them for nearly 10 years. They have been many different colours but for most of that time they have been blond or bright white. They are so easy to care for that I can't imagine going any other way right now.
4. I'm not married. GASP. Neither were my parents when I was born, but they are still together after almost 30 years.
5. I'm a hula hooper. Though we really don't like the word "hula," we prefer to call it hoop dance. At one point (ie: right before I became pregnant) I was doing paid performances and teaching classes locally! Can't wait to get back to it, and I'm hoping to post a pregnant hooping video sometime soon...
6. I was dedicated to horse riding for most of my teenage years and even spent time riding competitively. We rode mostly english - with the jumping and the small saddles and the big black helmets - but also loved to expose my horse to the trails and sometimes even cattle. Still love that guy, he mostly belongs to my mom now.
7. I speak french. I used to be fully fluent but I've lost so much of it over the years. Sometimes I still dream in french! I'd really love to take a few classes (or move to Paris...) to freshen up, eventually someday. 

Now I get to tell you about seven other blogs that I truly adore! I am awarding each of these bloggers with the Versatile Bloggers Award - but no pressure, my friends! It's fun for me to talk about bloggers I love - but if you know me at all then you know I am not one for automatically following any rules! 

Seven Incredible and Versatile Blogs:

1. Amanda from the Last Mom on Earth is an incredible woman and mother, and she writes about motherhood in the most gorgeous and heartfelt way. I love her.
2. The Rockin' Momma Blog is an awesome, in-your-face account of one Punk Rock Momma and her view of the world. Plus she is expecting! Can't wait to meet her newest baby rocker! 
3. Sarah from Cerlandia is one of the most brilliant and powerful women I have ever had the chance to know. She is crafty and great in the kitchen - and she's an intelligent feminist with a heart in social justice. Seriously, how could I not adore her? (She's great on twitter, too)
4. I love Jennifer Banks who writes at TechMommy.ca - a hip guide to technology from a mother's point of view. The nerd in me is caught on every word.
5. Sasha from One Rich Mother and I met in the same online due date club and I liked her right from the start. She is warm, inclusive, knowledgeable and dedicated to being an incredible mother. She goes out of her way to make people feel good and that is something to be celebrated.
6. Robyn from The Edmonton Tourist is one of the funniest people I know, ever. She's got a great head on her shoulders and an incredible perspective on life. Every time I read her blog, I find one more thing that inspires me to be more like her. Plus, did I mention she is hilarious?
7. Last but not least... Not a blog but a podcast from Lindsay at Manic Mommy. Lindsay is so spectacular for so so many reasons. She is the reason I survived those first three weeks of mom-life, she held my hand and was the calm voice of reason that helped me through the hectic moments of insanity that were the first few days of Desmond's life. Besides being an amazing mom, musician, intellectual, and feminist - she knows buttloads of cool people and interviews them for her podcasts, and you can listen to them while you make dinner. Rad.

There you have it! Seven facts about me and seven blogs that deserve to be honoured and celebrated!

xox
Farren

Rookie Cooking: My first (sort of) Disaster

So I got in the kitchen and I made up my own concoction. I didn't even pretend to follow a recipe. I definitely proved myself to be a rookie cook.

The thing is? It was delicious. It was spectacular. I made BBQ Chicken Fingers, and I loved them. I made plenty and ate them over several days, and each day I felt more ill than the last. I knew the culprit was gluten.  

"Where could I be getting gluten?!" I wondered, I'd been so careful! I decided to scour ever ingredient of everything I'd eaten and checked one of the ingredients that I'd used for this recipe - which, yes, I am still going to share - when I discovered the word MALT.

Malt, my friends, is a secret ninja gluten enemy. It is made from barley, and makes me very very sick. That means I can't even have my favourite chocolate bar anymore - the Snickers with Almond.

So if you are gluten-free, do not eat this! 

But if you could go either way, then this was a fantastic success and I'd love to hear if you liked it.


The Supposed to be Gluten-free (but not!) "Breaded" BBQ Chicken Fingers

What I used:

• Chili Sauce (I had half a jar sitting in the fridge I wanted to use)
• Franks Red hot Sauce
• Tabasco
• 1.5 cups of corn flake crumbs (My nemesis supposed-to-be-gluten-free-but-wasn't ingredient!)
• 1/4 tsp oregano
• 1/4 tsp basil 
• 1/2 tsp cayenne pepper
• 1/2 tsp garlic powder
• ground black pepper



Beware the evil Malt!

• 4 chicken breasts cut into thin strips 

What I did:

I really just wanted to re-create that awesome breaded spicy chicken meal that I hadn't been able to find gluten-free in over a year, as well as use up some stuff that we had in our refrigerator. I went ahead pre-heated the oven to 350 degrees. I mixed half a jar of heinz chili sauce (around 1-1.5 cups) with one cup of Franks Hot Sauce (hey, I said spicy, so use less if you can't handle it) as well as a light sprinkling of tabasco. I put this all in a long and shallow glass dish.


In another long shallow dish I mixed the corn flake crumbs and spices. Now, I've used corn flake crumbs in other recipes to acheive a fake "breaded" taste and texture because I had been told that boxed crumbs were safe - while the breakfast cereal wasn't safe. Looking back, I cannot remember if I checked it myself before ever using it, but I paid the price and it reminded me to check every box before I dive in!

I cut the chicken breasts into strips, placed them in the first dish and coated them in the prepared sauce. I then moved them into the second dish, coating them in crumbs and spiced before placing them in a greased pyrex dish (I used olive oil for this) tight like little sardines. Some people prefer to shake their chicken in the crumbs using a ziplock bag, but I like to minimize my trash.

I put them in for 45 minutes and they came out perfect. Perfect and delicious and, for me, gluteny poisonous. Gloisonous.

My first Rookie Cooking Disaster. And I didn't even use Mrs. Dash this time!

Stepping Outside my Comfort Zone

I'm that weird mix of person that is confident and shy at the same time. Does that make sense? I believe in who I am and what I do - and its true that there are times when I'm pretty loud about it - but when I'm meeting new people I hold back, I question whether or not to let my freak flag fly.

But being a new mom can be pretty isolating, especially now that I'm staying home with Desmond and don't even have work as a social outlet. Most of my friends with children live far far away or their babies are older and they are back to work. And, as weird as it is to be shy and confident, I'm also shy and extremely social. I like people. I like talking with people, being around people, meeting with people, learning about people - I need to be around people. 

The library: My favorite place to meet.

So, I'm stepping outside my comfort zone. I'm pushing through the shyness and I'm meeting new people. I'm biting my bottom lip and going to playgroups. I'm putting up a brave face and adding friends-of-friends through facebook just because they also have babies. I'm marching up to moms at LLL meetings and handing out my phone number, my e-mail address. And then I'm going ahead and making plans with them.

Its a fine line between friendly and creepy, I think, but I like to believe I'm doing okay. We're all in the same boat, thrust into this new world of endless day time hours and bedtimes that start before most people even leave for the bar on a Friday night. I'm doing something entirely different from my vagabond party life, I'm investing in someone's future. In may cost me my evenings out right now, but at least I'll have sunshiney days and, hopefully, some mama friends and babies to share them with.

#6. This Moment: Teething

Mmm, Icy Cloth

{this moment}

A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savour, and remember.

If you're inspired to do the same

leave your link in the comments 

then go to Soule Mama and do the same.

#5. This Moment: Story time

Story Time

 

{this moment}

A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savour, and remember.

If you're inspired to do the same

leave your link in the comments 

then go to Soule Mama and do the same.

Rookie Cooking: Kale Chips

As a Rookie Cook I am just learning how to combine healthy foods in delicious ways. This week's lesson?

Kale Chips! Everyone who has ever made them raves about them, and here is why: It is all the yum of potato chips with zero guilt. They are crispy just like real chips. They can be flavoured just like real chips. AND! I ate them all in under an hour - just like real chips!

The first thing I did was look at a few recipes and settled on a method I liked. Kalyn's Kitchen had a great suggestion to make them in a ziplock bag, so that is what I tried.

Farren Square's Kale Chips
What I used:

• A huge bunch of kale
• 1.5 tablespoons of olive oil 
• salt to taste
• Mrs Dash
• a large ziplock bag

What I did:
Pre-heat the oven to 300 degrees Fahrenheit. Remove the stem from the kale leaf, and tear it into chip-sized pieces.
Place Kale pieces, olive oil, and Mrs Dash into the ziplock bag. Squeeze out all the air and close tightly. Squish. Squish to your heart's content! Make sure every bit of kale is coated in olive oil, then spread the kale in a single layer on a large baking sheet and pop it in the oven. 
I, uh... didn't set a timer. I just kept peeking every ten minutes. Just remember: When kale chips start to go brown, they tend to get a little bitter, so try to catch them while they are still green. Mine were in the oven a total of 30 minutes and lightly salted when they emerged. They were perfect!



Perfect enough to eat before I was able to snap more than one picture. These are a delicious gluten free, soy free way to snack! When I make these again, I'm going to save myself the ziplock bag and mix them in a bowl with a spatula or even my hands. If you have made kale chips before, leave a comment and let me know what spices / recipe / methods you have used! Next time I am definitely making dill pickle flavoured kale chips. Yum.

A Poem for World Poetry Day

Poetry is such a vulnerable thing. A simple combination of words that comes from a place so deep in our souls. Of course we are nervous to share our art with the world, it is so revealing! We are made so exposed!

It has taken me a long time to realize that my poetry isn't about the reader or their reaction to it. I write this poetry for me and myself only, I share it because I'm confident that art should be shared. Your reaction is welcome, but it doesn't shape the way I feel about my poetry.

This is an older poem of mine, taken from the book, "Pressed Flowers in a Dictionary," but it is a favourite amongst those who have heard me read aloud.  This one is called:

Scientific Method
seven even veins follow low frequencies of touch
much of which itches to be often soft but aiming
your flaming gaze makes aches of cool
shivers pool in the all small of my back
crack a skinny smile i'll shimmy for your
shake and fake nonchalance while
my mind pines and launches into scheme
dreams about your poor outsides sidled
next to (vexed too) mine.

know that the flow of our bodies ought to be
something pumping as strong as wine while
we find distractions from the
actions my hips and lips cannot deny.

touch me touch me you say play
a melody it'll be the sweetest
feat to wait and wait then reciprocate
but i can't deny the sound sound
of your lies cause the way your
body moves is so damn smooth.


I suggest you try reading it out loud. Happy World Poetry Day! 

#4. This Moment: Climbing on Papa

Climbing on Papa

{this moment}

A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. 

If you're inspired to do the same, leave your link in the comments, then go to Soule Mama.

A Letter to Des: I am Blown Away by your Everything.

 Desmond,

I can't believe how much you've grown in the last three and a half months. When you arrived on the scene I was blown away by your everything. The tiniest muscle twitch from you became my moment's obsession; I never wanted to look away.

Rolling Over

I am thrilled to be a witness of these monumental and tiny feats. I am honoured to watch your growing awareness of your body as you discover your power and potential. Three weeks ago you looked at your hands for the first time. You pulled them out of your mouth and stared at them with focused intensity. Slowly you unclasped your fingers, reclasped them gently and placed them back into your mouth with a self-satisfied giggle. What a tiny moment, I thought, and yet - everyone in the world has one moment in their lives where they noticed their hands for the first time. Every human had to struggle through the lack of dexterity of babydom, these tiny firsts are a worldwide phenomenon. You remind me that all of humanity is vulnerable and amazing.

Three days ago you completely rolled over the first time. Then three more times. You scare me with your mobility, it is happening faster than I ever imagined. I'm both excited and petrified to watch you grow into a little independent human, moving your own way and making your own choices. Recently you found your tongue inside your mouth and you baaabble on and on to me, especially in the mornings. I nod at you over my first cup of coffee and we chat about our dreams at night. If I had to say, I'd guess you have pretty funny dreams the way you laugh and giggle, your voice echoing through the kitchen. And you are such a sturdy little housebeast now, you hold your own head and look where you want to look - you kick and squirm with power and strength. I am amazed at how quickly it starts.

We speak a common language, you and I, without sharing any words. It's like I was born when you were born, this new version of myself so open to learning all about you. We've grown together these last sixteen weeks and we mostly understand each other - finally. I'm enjoying listening to you explain who you are as you figure it out for yourself. I can't wait to show you the world.

xox
Mommy

My Body's Potential - A Mother's Body Image

I just gave birth 110 days ago. That really doesn't sound like a lot, and it isn't. I'm still processing a lot of what has happened in these last 111 days. For one, my entire perspective on the world has been shifted - there is not one thought in my mind that hasn't been altered by the arrival of my child. But I feel a physical shift, too.

My Belly - Shot by Maak Photography

I know I'm early in the game. I realize it hasn't even been four months since my body rose and swelled and then promptly deflated with the birth of my baby. But every day I look in the mirror and I can see the changes. I pull on my jeans and I can feel where I'm different. In pictures my face seems to be a new shape. My smile is deeper, sometimes I look more concerned than I intend to.

And for the first time in my life I have an extrinsic force motivating me to be healthy, not just a nagging voice inside my head. I do it for him and not for the reflection in the mirror and the societal expectation. A week after birth I remember marveling at my belly when it felt so soft and so empty, lifeless and striped with bright red zigzags. I said out loud: "I want to be proud of my stretchmarks because they gave me something beautiful, they are a symbol of my strength." They are pink-silvery now. Sometimes I barely notice them and sometimes I look so closely at them but mostly I accept them and let them make me feel powerful. My breasts, too, have changed - fuller and heavier than ever before, charged alone with completely sustaining a delicately tiny human life.

Today I stepped out of a shower and actually had a moment's pause to look at myself. I told myself to love my body for what it can do, not what it looks like. They way we love a good book or perfectly ripe avocado with rumply brown skin. My body is more powerful and amazing than either of those things. My body's potential is beyond exponential, it can make something of nothing at all.

Rookie Cooking: That Vegan Chickpea Dish

I'm a total rookie cook. That is, when it comes to cooking I have no idea what I'm doing. Sometimes I will be talking with a friend about what they like to make and I'll gasp inwardly: "You can DO that?"

Assistant Chef

So, as my fledgling family makes a start in this world, I am forcing myself to learn to cook. And then I'm going to blog about it. Even the mistakes. Hopefully there won't be too many mistakes... anymore. You are more than welcome to join me on my cooking journey! And of course, share your experiences and improvements on any recipe.

Right now I am personally gluten-sensitive which means that everything will be entirely gluten-free. I won't be using wheat or wheat flour, rye, barley, malt, or any of the other plethora of items with secret gluten, and I'll note which gluten-free brands I'm using. I'm also completely egg, peanut, and dairy free while I'm breastfeeding my son because he has shown to be sensitive.

My first meal was a success! I've made this recipe several times before but this was the most delicious version. Something we like to call

That Chickpea Dish (you know, the vegan one?)
I used:

• olive oil
• veggies:
• 6-7 cloves of garlic, finely chopped
•  a hunk of ginger the size of your thumb, finely finely chopped
• 1 small onion, chopped
• 2 cups sugar snap peas with tips cut off
• 2 medium-large carrots sliced
• 1 medium red pepper, chopped
• 1/2 head of cauliflower, broken into small pieces
• 2-3 leaves of kale
• spices (each to taste):
• cumin
• coriander
• oregano
• freshly ground black pepper
• mrs. dash (yeah, that's right, I'm admitting it)
• One can organic chickpeas (organic is highly recommended, but whatever)

 What I did:
Heat the olive oil in a large frying pan and drop in the ginger, half the garlic, and onions. You can use less garlic than I did, but why would you want to? I immediately sprinkle cumin to cover the onions and garlic and add a dash of coriander. I let it be until the onions start looking like they might want to start getting soft.

Add the carrots, red pepper, snap peas. Stir it up so everything gets all glossy with olive oil. This is when I added the majority of spice - more cumin (I probably used about a tablespoon of cumin all together), a tiny bit more coriander, the ground pepper, the oregano, and the mrs. dash. I then added the cauliflower, kale, and the rest of the garlic. Adding more garlic later in cooking gives the dish a stronger garlic taste. Again, stir and mix until there is a light coating of olive oil on everything.

Mmm. Vegetables.

Rinse and drain the chickpeas (sometimes called Garbanzo beans), I usually rinse and drain twice and leave about 1/4 of the can in liquid **I only  recommend this if you are using organic chickpeas because that juice at the bottom? It's just chickpea juice and salt. But if you are using otherwise... well, I would rinse a lot more. Dump in the chickpeas and the extra water - just enough to cover the bottom of the frying pan - and add in little torn up pieces of kale. The kale and the chickpeas need barely any time to cook, so stir everything and watch closely. Once the kale is dark green and soft, remove the frying pan from heat and serve.

There you have it. A gluten-free, vegan meal that is delicious enough to stand on its own. I  have served this with rice, but honestly I love it best as-is. And my first meal on this journey towards super mega chefdom! Or something like that, hopefully.

#3. This Moment: Baby's First Illness

Don't put me down.

{this moment}

A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. 

If you're inspired to do the same, go to Soule Mama.

TED Tuesday: Courtney Martin's "Reinventing Feminism"

Sometimes I am completely flabbergasted by how often I have to defend my use of the word Feminism or the fact that I label myself a Feminist.

I truly believe that to champion for women's rights is to champion for human rights. While the discrepancy is magnified in other areas of the world, there are still major issues that need to be addressed right here in our home. Domestic violence, rape, and controlling a woman's right to choose - all of these are worldwide issues that also definitely plague us here in North America. Did you know that over half of all Canadian women have experienced domestic violence? Look around at the women in your life. Are you aware that one to two women are murdered by a current or former partner each week in Canada? Chances are there is a woman in your life who is experiencing violence at the hand of her partner every day.

In honour of the 100th anniversary of International Women's Day I am posting this magnificent TED talk by Feministing Editor and author of the book "Do It Anyway: The New Generation of Activists" Courtney Martin. She discusses the modern era of feminism - How it isn't about birkenstocks and man-hating (I don't believe it ever was....) and reinventing the word so more people understand that it is about lifting women up, reinforcing their human rights, and helping them have a positive impact on the world around them.

My favourite part of this TED video? When Ms Martin announces the activist who had the largest impact on her own worldview: Her mother. It inspires me as a mother to keep campaigning for what I believe in, that I can have a positive impact on the world in which my children will live and grow.

Courtney Martin: Reinventing feminism

I've said it before and I'll say it again. As women, we are beautiful flowers - we can also be sparks of change. Have a lovely International Women's Day.

For more facts or information on violence and Canadian women, or to help with the cause, please visit the Canadian Women Foundation

More TED videos on the topic of women's rights & feminism.

xox
Farren

Some Breastfeeding Surprises: Help and more.

Baby Des is three months old. One quarter of a year.

That means that I have been sustaining his life with my body alone for over 375 days. I have been breastfeeding him for over 92 days.

I don't understand how that number can seem so small and so large at the same time. On one hand, the time really has scampered past much faster than I anticipated. On the other hand, it feels like so so long ago that I was first looking down at his little face, watching him root and find me, latch himself and get to task.

As a duo, I am thankful that we haven't yet had any problems that got in the way of our nursing relationship. Part of it has been my tenacity and part of it seems pure luck - I know I'm fortunate that I haven't had to sort through a bad latch, thrush, or plugged ducts.

At the same time, it hasn't all been easy. I know many women gush about breastfeeding, and I do it too. But there were a few things that came as a surprise to me as we began breastfeeding as total newbs. And I was one of those pregnant women that committed to breastfeeding as soon as I saw those two little lines, so I was sure that things weren't going to surprise me. I was educated, well-read, had friends who were successful, and belonged to several supportive online breastfeeding communities - but I soon learned nothing will prepare you the way experience will (the way all parenting seems to be), and I had a lot more learning to do.

Some things that surprised me about breastfeeding:

1 - Don't expect to do anything but eat and nurse. Okay, I did read this. It didn't sink in. I had no idea how much time I would be spending as a moo cow for my little baby. From the very beginning, the baby's favourite place to be was my chest. Baby was noming on Colostrum - the first milk a mother makes for her new little one, and this is more than enough for your babe for the first while. Cuddling skin-to-skin as well as nursing frequently and on-demand helped my milk come in on the second day we were home. But my sleepy baby just couldn't stay awake while in the ultimate comfort zone, so I kept a cool cloth handy to keep him awake and we spent a lot of time in the rocking chair. My most spoken sentence had to be: "He wants to nurse AGAIN? ALREADY?" This is why having a support person in those first two to three weeks can be so helpful. My partner actually fed me at one point, which is hilarious now but at the time, so necessary. While his stomach slowly grew, he also became a more efficient and alert baby who could eat in less than 15 minutes.
Moral of the story: Your baby will literally be depending on you, so don't expect to do much, especially when you are also still healing from birth. Arrange to have someone support you by cooking and feeding you and cleaning your house, even if they have to stop in nightly to do it. Feed your baby as often as he or she asks, even if (/especially if!) you feel you don't have any milk and remember that it isn't going to last forever. Lean down and smell their tiny heads, soak up the love, and take at least a few pictures while nursing.

2 - Yeah, it is going to hurt. But just a little, and just at first.  We were released early from the hospital because we were healthy, breastfeeding well, and so ready to go home. From the very start I noticed that his latch was sensitive for me and I got several nurses to take a look. It was totally great, totally fine, totally NORMAL, they said. One week later and my nipples feel raw. I'm applying lanolin after every feed. My toes curl when he goes to latch. Which, yes, he is doing ever hour and a half. I hysterically e-mail my friends who have breastfed, I think, "I'M DOING IT WRONG!" They console me: It's totally fine, totally normal. That is when I learn what no one ever said: It IS going to hurt at first. Your nipples do have to get used to this new extended contact, they have to toughen up. Just like any guitar master has to grow callouses on their hands, your nipples will have to get accustomed to your tiny baby learning to eat. They may get sore, they may get raw, they may even form scabs. But it's okay, it will get easier, the pain goes away, the nipples heal, and you come out the other side forgetting it even happened.
Moral of the story: Practice makes perfect, and your nipples need to get accustomed to their new job. Compared to giving birth, it's a breeze so bear with it and you'll see your way through it in no time. If you have a painful latch for longer than the first 2-3 weeks seek help! See below for more details on where to look for answers.

Des on his 3 month-iversary.

 3 - There are no rules. Get the milk into the baby, that is the only rule. You might have to strip down to get the baby to eat. You might have to get into a rocking chair and not stop rocking for 40+ minutes. Your baby might feed 12 times a day. Your baby might feed 24 times a day. The cross-cradle hold may not work for you, you might have to try several different positions or just make one up yourself. You might not even be able to feel your let-down, and you may find it easier to get started with a nipple shield. When things get tough - when you get overtired and you haven't showered in three days, you are hungry and you, like every mother, have no idea what you are doing - you will have to try everything until something works. You'll know when it does.
Moral of the story: There are no two breastfeeding relationships alike. Whether it is small or large differences - not everything will work for everybody. This is why it is so important to PREPARE!

4 - PREPARE! Yes, you need to find a comfortable spot in your home where you will be happy to sit for a long time over the course of the day. Yes, it is important to make sure you have a large waterbottle. But most importantly: learn about breastfeeding ahead of time, and gather a large enough support group that if you do run into any problems you will have a solid, encouraging, and informed collective of women in which to find answers. Looking back on my experience, I wish I had gone to a La Leche League meeting while I was still pregnant. Many women encouraged me to go - but at the end of a work day I was all together nervous, shy, and fatigued from pregnancy that I never went. That was my mistake because it only gets harder to leave the house once you have a baby. All the women at the LLL meetings are just so welcoming and friendly, there was no need to feel shy at all. Or lazy. If I could go back I would've kicked my slow pregnant butt out the door and gone to an LLL meeting sooner, for sure.
Moral of the Story: The internet is a new mom's best friend, and there is no shortage of reading to do on nursing. I will include some of the best sources at the bottom of this post! And if you are lucky enough to have a La Leche League branch in your area - Go! Go while the baby is still easily trapped inside you! You will be glad to have support if you need it - and if you don't you will at least meet some pretty accepting and awesome moms.


Some important places to visit before starting your breastfeeding relationship: 
Kellymom.com - Up to date evidence based research about breastfeeding - from basic introductions all the way to "How much wine can I have with dinner?"
La Leche League International - Tap into mother-to-mother support, encouragement, information, and education and find a group local to you.
Dr Sears' Breastfeeding Index - Over 50 articles on the topic of nursing your baby, including a lot of trouble shooting and helpful tips as well as the science behind those mammary glands.
Dr Newman's Breastfeeding Help - Videos and printable PDFs on a variety of roadblocks that any new mother might hit - but that don't have to signal the end of your nursing relationship.

One last thing I didn't realize before I started breastfeeding? How proud I would be to hit this three month milestone and how fast it would arrive at my feet. How three months can seem like such a short amount of time while also feel like forever, I don't know. But I'm so excited to see what the next three months have in store. Best of luck to any expectant mothers, I can only hope that my realizations will help anybody preparing to start a wonderful breastfeeding journey.

Read more from me about breastfeeding.