#5. This Moment: Story time

Story Time

 

{this moment}

A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savour, and remember.

If you're inspired to do the same

leave your link in the comments 

then go to Soule Mama and do the same.

Rookie Cooking: Kale Chips

As a Rookie Cook I am just learning how to combine healthy foods in delicious ways. This week's lesson?

Kale Chips! Everyone who has ever made them raves about them, and here is why: It is all the yum of potato chips with zero guilt. They are crispy just like real chips. They can be flavoured just like real chips. AND! I ate them all in under an hour - just like real chips!

The first thing I did was look at a few recipes and settled on a method I liked. Kalyn's Kitchen had a great suggestion to make them in a ziplock bag, so that is what I tried.

Farren Square's Kale Chips
What I used:

• A huge bunch of kale
• 1.5 tablespoons of olive oil 
• salt to taste
• Mrs Dash
• a large ziplock bag

What I did:
Pre-heat the oven to 300 degrees Fahrenheit. Remove the stem from the kale leaf, and tear it into chip-sized pieces.
Place Kale pieces, olive oil, and Mrs Dash into the ziplock bag. Squeeze out all the air and close tightly. Squish. Squish to your heart's content! Make sure every bit of kale is coated in olive oil, then spread the kale in a single layer on a large baking sheet and pop it in the oven. 
I, uh... didn't set a timer. I just kept peeking every ten minutes. Just remember: When kale chips start to go brown, they tend to get a little bitter, so try to catch them while they are still green. Mine were in the oven a total of 30 minutes and lightly salted when they emerged. They were perfect!



Perfect enough to eat before I was able to snap more than one picture. These are a delicious gluten free, soy free way to snack! When I make these again, I'm going to save myself the ziplock bag and mix them in a bowl with a spatula or even my hands. If you have made kale chips before, leave a comment and let me know what spices / recipe / methods you have used! Next time I am definitely making dill pickle flavoured kale chips. Yum.

A Poem for World Poetry Day

Poetry is such a vulnerable thing. A simple combination of words that comes from a place so deep in our souls. Of course we are nervous to share our art with the world, it is so revealing! We are made so exposed!

It has taken me a long time to realize that my poetry isn't about the reader or their reaction to it. I write this poetry for me and myself only, I share it because I'm confident that art should be shared. Your reaction is welcome, but it doesn't shape the way I feel about my poetry.

This is an older poem of mine, taken from the book, "Pressed Flowers in a Dictionary," but it is a favourite amongst those who have heard me read aloud.  This one is called:

Scientific Method
seven even veins follow low frequencies of touch
much of which itches to be often soft but aiming
your flaming gaze makes aches of cool
shivers pool in the all small of my back
crack a skinny smile i'll shimmy for your
shake and fake nonchalance while
my mind pines and launches into scheme
dreams about your poor outsides sidled
next to (vexed too) mine.

know that the flow of our bodies ought to be
something pumping as strong as wine while
we find distractions from the
actions my hips and lips cannot deny.

touch me touch me you say play
a melody it'll be the sweetest
feat to wait and wait then reciprocate
but i can't deny the sound sound
of your lies cause the way your
body moves is so damn smooth.


I suggest you try reading it out loud. Happy World Poetry Day! 

#4. This Moment: Climbing on Papa

Climbing on Papa

{this moment}

A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. 

If you're inspired to do the same, leave your link in the comments, then go to Soule Mama.

A Letter to Des: I am Blown Away by your Everything.

 Desmond,

I can't believe how much you've grown in the last three and a half months. When you arrived on the scene I was blown away by your everything. The tiniest muscle twitch from you became my moment's obsession; I never wanted to look away.

Rolling Over

I am thrilled to be a witness of these monumental and tiny feats. I am honoured to watch your growing awareness of your body as you discover your power and potential. Three weeks ago you looked at your hands for the first time. You pulled them out of your mouth and stared at them with focused intensity. Slowly you unclasped your fingers, reclasped them gently and placed them back into your mouth with a self-satisfied giggle. What a tiny moment, I thought, and yet - everyone in the world has one moment in their lives where they noticed their hands for the first time. Every human had to struggle through the lack of dexterity of babydom, these tiny firsts are a worldwide phenomenon. You remind me that all of humanity is vulnerable and amazing.

Three days ago you completely rolled over the first time. Then three more times. You scare me with your mobility, it is happening faster than I ever imagined. I'm both excited and petrified to watch you grow into a little independent human, moving your own way and making your own choices. Recently you found your tongue inside your mouth and you baaabble on and on to me, especially in the mornings. I nod at you over my first cup of coffee and we chat about our dreams at night. If I had to say, I'd guess you have pretty funny dreams the way you laugh and giggle, your voice echoing through the kitchen. And you are such a sturdy little housebeast now, you hold your own head and look where you want to look - you kick and squirm with power and strength. I am amazed at how quickly it starts.

We speak a common language, you and I, without sharing any words. It's like I was born when you were born, this new version of myself so open to learning all about you. We've grown together these last sixteen weeks and we mostly understand each other - finally. I'm enjoying listening to you explain who you are as you figure it out for yourself. I can't wait to show you the world.

xox
Mommy

My Body's Potential - A Mother's Body Image

I just gave birth 110 days ago. That really doesn't sound like a lot, and it isn't. I'm still processing a lot of what has happened in these last 111 days. For one, my entire perspective on the world has been shifted - there is not one thought in my mind that hasn't been altered by the arrival of my child. But I feel a physical shift, too.

My Belly - Shot by Maak Photography

I know I'm early in the game. I realize it hasn't even been four months since my body rose and swelled and then promptly deflated with the birth of my baby. But every day I look in the mirror and I can see the changes. I pull on my jeans and I can feel where I'm different. In pictures my face seems to be a new shape. My smile is deeper, sometimes I look more concerned than I intend to.

And for the first time in my life I have an extrinsic force motivating me to be healthy, not just a nagging voice inside my head. I do it for him and not for the reflection in the mirror and the societal expectation. A week after birth I remember marveling at my belly when it felt so soft and so empty, lifeless and striped with bright red zigzags. I said out loud: "I want to be proud of my stretchmarks because they gave me something beautiful, they are a symbol of my strength." They are pink-silvery now. Sometimes I barely notice them and sometimes I look so closely at them but mostly I accept them and let them make me feel powerful. My breasts, too, have changed - fuller and heavier than ever before, charged alone with completely sustaining a delicately tiny human life.

Today I stepped out of a shower and actually had a moment's pause to look at myself. I told myself to love my body for what it can do, not what it looks like. They way we love a good book or perfectly ripe avocado with rumply brown skin. My body is more powerful and amazing than either of those things. My body's potential is beyond exponential, it can make something of nothing at all.

Rookie Cooking: That Vegan Chickpea Dish

I'm a total rookie cook. That is, when it comes to cooking I have no idea what I'm doing. Sometimes I will be talking with a friend about what they like to make and I'll gasp inwardly: "You can DO that?"

Assistant Chef

So, as my fledgling family makes a start in this world, I am forcing myself to learn to cook. And then I'm going to blog about it. Even the mistakes. Hopefully there won't be too many mistakes... anymore. You are more than welcome to join me on my cooking journey! And of course, share your experiences and improvements on any recipe.

Right now I am personally gluten-sensitive which means that everything will be entirely gluten-free. I won't be using wheat or wheat flour, rye, barley, malt, or any of the other plethora of items with secret gluten, and I'll note which gluten-free brands I'm using. I'm also completely egg, peanut, and dairy free while I'm breastfeeding my son because he has shown to be sensitive.

My first meal was a success! I've made this recipe several times before but this was the most delicious version. Something we like to call

That Chickpea Dish (you know, the vegan one?)
I used:

• olive oil
• veggies:
• 6-7 cloves of garlic, finely chopped
•  a hunk of ginger the size of your thumb, finely finely chopped
• 1 small onion, chopped
• 2 cups sugar snap peas with tips cut off
• 2 medium-large carrots sliced
• 1 medium red pepper, chopped
• 1/2 head of cauliflower, broken into small pieces
• 2-3 leaves of kale
• spices (each to taste):
• cumin
• coriander
• oregano
• freshly ground black pepper
• mrs. dash (yeah, that's right, I'm admitting it)
• One can organic chickpeas (organic is highly recommended, but whatever)

 What I did:
Heat the olive oil in a large frying pan and drop in the ginger, half the garlic, and onions. You can use less garlic than I did, but why would you want to? I immediately sprinkle cumin to cover the onions and garlic and add a dash of coriander. I let it be until the onions start looking like they might want to start getting soft.

Add the carrots, red pepper, snap peas. Stir it up so everything gets all glossy with olive oil. This is when I added the majority of spice - more cumin (I probably used about a tablespoon of cumin all together), a tiny bit more coriander, the ground pepper, the oregano, and the mrs. dash. I then added the cauliflower, kale, and the rest of the garlic. Adding more garlic later in cooking gives the dish a stronger garlic taste. Again, stir and mix until there is a light coating of olive oil on everything.

Mmm. Vegetables.

Rinse and drain the chickpeas (sometimes called Garbanzo beans), I usually rinse and drain twice and leave about 1/4 of the can in liquid **I only  recommend this if you are using organic chickpeas because that juice at the bottom? It's just chickpea juice and salt. But if you are using otherwise... well, I would rinse a lot more. Dump in the chickpeas and the extra water - just enough to cover the bottom of the frying pan - and add in little torn up pieces of kale. The kale and the chickpeas need barely any time to cook, so stir everything and watch closely. Once the kale is dark green and soft, remove the frying pan from heat and serve.

There you have it. A gluten-free, vegan meal that is delicious enough to stand on its own. I  have served this with rice, but honestly I love it best as-is. And my first meal on this journey towards super mega chefdom! Or something like that, hopefully.

#3. This Moment: Baby's First Illness

Don't put me down.

{this moment}

A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. 

If you're inspired to do the same, go to Soule Mama.

TED Tuesday: Courtney Martin's "Reinventing Feminism"

Sometimes I am completely flabbergasted by how often I have to defend my use of the word Feminism or the fact that I label myself a Feminist.

I truly believe that to champion for women's rights is to champion for human rights. While the discrepancy is magnified in other areas of the world, there are still major issues that need to be addressed right here in our home. Domestic violence, rape, and controlling a woman's right to choose - all of these are worldwide issues that also definitely plague us here in North America. Did you know that over half of all Canadian women have experienced domestic violence? Look around at the women in your life. Are you aware that one to two women are murdered by a current or former partner each week in Canada? Chances are there is a woman in your life who is experiencing violence at the hand of her partner every day.

In honour of the 100th anniversary of International Women's Day I am posting this magnificent TED talk by Feministing Editor and author of the book "Do It Anyway: The New Generation of Activists" Courtney Martin. She discusses the modern era of feminism - How it isn't about birkenstocks and man-hating (I don't believe it ever was....) and reinventing the word so more people understand that it is about lifting women up, reinforcing their human rights, and helping them have a positive impact on the world around them.

My favourite part of this TED video? When Ms Martin announces the activist who had the largest impact on her own worldview: Her mother. It inspires me as a mother to keep campaigning for what I believe in, that I can have a positive impact on the world in which my children will live and grow.

Courtney Martin: Reinventing feminism

I've said it before and I'll say it again. As women, we are beautiful flowers - we can also be sparks of change. Have a lovely International Women's Day.

For more facts or information on violence and Canadian women, or to help with the cause, please visit the Canadian Women Foundation

More TED videos on the topic of women's rights & feminism.

xox
Farren

Some Breastfeeding Surprises: Help and more.

Baby Des is three months old. One quarter of a year.

That means that I have been sustaining his life with my body alone for over 375 days. I have been breastfeeding him for over 92 days.

I don't understand how that number can seem so small and so large at the same time. On one hand, the time really has scampered past much faster than I anticipated. On the other hand, it feels like so so long ago that I was first looking down at his little face, watching him root and find me, latch himself and get to task.

As a duo, I am thankful that we haven't yet had any problems that got in the way of our nursing relationship. Part of it has been my tenacity and part of it seems pure luck - I know I'm fortunate that I haven't had to sort through a bad latch, thrush, or plugged ducts.

At the same time, it hasn't all been easy. I know many women gush about breastfeeding, and I do it too. But there were a few things that came as a surprise to me as we began breastfeeding as total newbs. And I was one of those pregnant women that committed to breastfeeding as soon as I saw those two little lines, so I was sure that things weren't going to surprise me. I was educated, well-read, had friends who were successful, and belonged to several supportive online breastfeeding communities - but I soon learned nothing will prepare you the way experience will (the way all parenting seems to be), and I had a lot more learning to do.

Some things that surprised me about breastfeeding:

1 - Don't expect to do anything but eat and nurse. Okay, I did read this. It didn't sink in. I had no idea how much time I would be spending as a moo cow for my little baby. From the very beginning, the baby's favourite place to be was my chest. Baby was noming on Colostrum - the first milk a mother makes for her new little one, and this is more than enough for your babe for the first while. Cuddling skin-to-skin as well as nursing frequently and on-demand helped my milk come in on the second day we were home. But my sleepy baby just couldn't stay awake while in the ultimate comfort zone, so I kept a cool cloth handy to keep him awake and we spent a lot of time in the rocking chair. My most spoken sentence had to be: "He wants to nurse AGAIN? ALREADY?" This is why having a support person in those first two to three weeks can be so helpful. My partner actually fed me at one point, which is hilarious now but at the time, so necessary. While his stomach slowly grew, he also became a more efficient and alert baby who could eat in less than 15 minutes.
Moral of the story: Your baby will literally be depending on you, so don't expect to do much, especially when you are also still healing from birth. Arrange to have someone support you by cooking and feeding you and cleaning your house, even if they have to stop in nightly to do it. Feed your baby as often as he or she asks, even if (/especially if!) you feel you don't have any milk and remember that it isn't going to last forever. Lean down and smell their tiny heads, soak up the love, and take at least a few pictures while nursing.

2 - Yeah, it is going to hurt. But just a little, and just at first.  We were released early from the hospital because we were healthy, breastfeeding well, and so ready to go home. From the very start I noticed that his latch was sensitive for me and I got several nurses to take a look. It was totally great, totally fine, totally NORMAL, they said. One week later and my nipples feel raw. I'm applying lanolin after every feed. My toes curl when he goes to latch. Which, yes, he is doing ever hour and a half. I hysterically e-mail my friends who have breastfed, I think, "I'M DOING IT WRONG!" They console me: It's totally fine, totally normal. That is when I learn what no one ever said: It IS going to hurt at first. Your nipples do have to get used to this new extended contact, they have to toughen up. Just like any guitar master has to grow callouses on their hands, your nipples will have to get accustomed to your tiny baby learning to eat. They may get sore, they may get raw, they may even form scabs. But it's okay, it will get easier, the pain goes away, the nipples heal, and you come out the other side forgetting it even happened.
Moral of the story: Practice makes perfect, and your nipples need to get accustomed to their new job. Compared to giving birth, it's a breeze so bear with it and you'll see your way through it in no time. If you have a painful latch for longer than the first 2-3 weeks seek help! See below for more details on where to look for answers.

Des on his 3 month-iversary.

 3 - There are no rules. Get the milk into the baby, that is the only rule. You might have to strip down to get the baby to eat. You might have to get into a rocking chair and not stop rocking for 40+ minutes. Your baby might feed 12 times a day. Your baby might feed 24 times a day. The cross-cradle hold may not work for you, you might have to try several different positions or just make one up yourself. You might not even be able to feel your let-down, and you may find it easier to get started with a nipple shield. When things get tough - when you get overtired and you haven't showered in three days, you are hungry and you, like every mother, have no idea what you are doing - you will have to try everything until something works. You'll know when it does.
Moral of the story: There are no two breastfeeding relationships alike. Whether it is small or large differences - not everything will work for everybody. This is why it is so important to PREPARE!

4 - PREPARE! Yes, you need to find a comfortable spot in your home where you will be happy to sit for a long time over the course of the day. Yes, it is important to make sure you have a large waterbottle. But most importantly: learn about breastfeeding ahead of time, and gather a large enough support group that if you do run into any problems you will have a solid, encouraging, and informed collective of women in which to find answers. Looking back on my experience, I wish I had gone to a La Leche League meeting while I was still pregnant. Many women encouraged me to go - but at the end of a work day I was all together nervous, shy, and fatigued from pregnancy that I never went. That was my mistake because it only gets harder to leave the house once you have a baby. All the women at the LLL meetings are just so welcoming and friendly, there was no need to feel shy at all. Or lazy. If I could go back I would've kicked my slow pregnant butt out the door and gone to an LLL meeting sooner, for sure.
Moral of the Story: The internet is a new mom's best friend, and there is no shortage of reading to do on nursing. I will include some of the best sources at the bottom of this post! And if you are lucky enough to have a La Leche League branch in your area - Go! Go while the baby is still easily trapped inside you! You will be glad to have support if you need it - and if you don't you will at least meet some pretty accepting and awesome moms.


Some important places to visit before starting your breastfeeding relationship: 
Kellymom.com - Up to date evidence based research about breastfeeding - from basic introductions all the way to "How much wine can I have with dinner?"
La Leche League International - Tap into mother-to-mother support, encouragement, information, and education and find a group local to you.
Dr Sears' Breastfeeding Index - Over 50 articles on the topic of nursing your baby, including a lot of trouble shooting and helpful tips as well as the science behind those mammary glands.
Dr Newman's Breastfeeding Help - Videos and printable PDFs on a variety of roadblocks that any new mother might hit - but that don't have to signal the end of your nursing relationship.

One last thing I didn't realize before I started breastfeeding? How proud I would be to hit this three month milestone and how fast it would arrive at my feet. How three months can seem like such a short amount of time while also feel like forever, I don't know. But I'm so excited to see what the next three months have in store. Best of luck to any expectant mothers, I can only hope that my realizations will help anybody preparing to start a wonderful breastfeeding journey.

Read more from me about breastfeeding. 

Rookie Cooking: Learning to Cook like a Pro

I'm a total rookie cook. That is, when it comes to cooking I have no idea what I'm doing. Sometimes I will be talking with a friend about what they like to make and I'll gasp inwardly: "You can DO that?"

So, as my fledgling family makes a start in this world, I am forcing myself to learn to cook. And then I'm going to blog about it. Even the mistakes. Hopefully there won't be too many mistakes... anymore. You are more than welcome to join me on my cooking journey! And of course, share your experiences and improvements on any recipe.

Right now I am personally gluten-sensitive which means that everything will be entirely gluten-free. I won't be using wheat or wheat flour, rye, barley, malt, or any of the other plethora of items with secret gluten, and I'll note which gluten-free brands I'm using. I'm also completely egg, peanut, and dairy free while I'm breastfeeding my son because he has shown to be sensitive.


If you have any suggestions on what I should make, please leave a comment! And you can also see the recipes I have already attempted here.


Wish me luck!


xoxo
Farren Square